its already 1 in the morn and I'm still very much wide awake..there are many things that's on my mind..my s-pass, my situation and darn,just everything..
tama ba na mahalin kita?mahal kita, mahal mo ko,sobra sobra nga e..we are even a perfect couple if everyone will look at us..but its complicated.. you are married and does have a kid..i was in the same situation before..nakakapagod..umpisa pa lang mali na..paano ba magiging tama ang isang mali?..
you're marriage is a mess..you filed for annulment of it. you're wife cheated on you, a countless times..and you're fed up. i came to the picture. we are happy. but it didnt last long. your insane wife messaged me on fb saying she is trying to fix her family..i retorted back..the next thing i know i messed your life..
now im having second thoughts..saan ko b ilalagay sarili ko? tama bang kalabanin ko ang asawa mo?sya ang legal db?sa mata ng Diyos at ng batas..may anak pa kayo..anong laban ko dun?oo,tama ka,ako ang nanalo dahil nagwawala sya ngayon. hindi nya matanggap na totoo lahat ng sinabi ko s kanya. may mali ba sa sinabi ko?
i dont want to destroy a family. but if i came to the picture wherein its already destroyed, then i guess i have the right to fight for the man i love. but is it ok?where do i stand?what if im the only one fighting for this?what if im just one of his women?ang sakit sakit na kasi...i know nahihirapan na rin sya..what if i suddenly give up on us?yun na lang ba lagi role ko sa buhay?ang umayos ng buhay ng iba?ang makiagaw ng pagmamayari ng iba?kabit lang nman ako kaya ano ang karapatan ko?ako ang mahal..wala akong sinira dahil dati nang sira ang pagsasama nila..pero gaano ko kakilala ang lalaking nilalaban ko?kaya ko ba talaga?baka masayang lahat ang mga efforts ko...
gusto ko na ng lalaking para sa akin lang..ang walang kaagaw..akala ko kaya ko umintindi kasi mahal ko pero bakit ngayon gusto kong umurong...nasasaktan na ako sobra..ang sakit sakit na naman..ilang beses na kasi ito..di na ako natuto...
Lord tulungan nyo nman po ako...patnubayan nyo po ko...
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
My Personality Test
1. take the quiz by clicking to this link: http://www.quizbox.com/per
2. copy the results
Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties. The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true. Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person. The seriousness of your love:
You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with? Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can. The right job for you:
You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy. How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying. What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel. Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.
2. copy the results
Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties. The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true. Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person. The seriousness of your love:
You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with? Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can. The right job for you:
You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy. How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying. What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel. Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.
Ilang rason bakit ka single
sa mga single..Isa ka ba sa kanila???? =) Sa mga committed share niyo na lng sa mga single.
ang ilang mga rason kung bakit...
11. Destiny Adik
Eto yung mga naghihintay kay "Destiny" na gumawa ng paraan para pagtagpuin
sila ng kanilang mga "partner in life".. ayannn... kakapanood nyo
ng "Serendipity" eh feeling nyo ang nangyari sa movie eh mangyayari rin sa
inyo... such a cliche.. hindi ba nyo alam na kung walang effort destiny is
useless.
10. Perfectionist/ Mapili
Yes, isang taong perpeksiyonista. Yung tipong "dapat ganito ang magiging
kapartner ko". Pag may nakilala, nakita lang na pangit ang kuko o may
dumi lang, turn-off na agad. O kaya ang daming ayaw. Ayaw sa mabait,
boring daw, gusto bad boy/ pilya pero kapag pinaiyak ka tatanungin ka "bakit
ang sama mo", "bakit mo nagawa yun!"... Adik ka ba?!... Ayaw sa
cute, ayaw din naman sa panget. Meron dyan gusto ka ayaw mo naman.. yung
gusto mo halos magtambling ka pero deadma pa rin yang stunts mO sa kanya!
Pasaway ka rin e! Ano ba talaga kuya?
9. Busy Busyhan
Opo, eto yung ang mundo e gumagalaw lang sa libro at ballpen kung
estudyante ka o kaya naman sa computer at files kung office staff ka. Yung
tipong aalis ng bahay ng alas 6 o alas 7 ng umaga at uuwi ng bahay ng 6
hanggang alas 8 ng gabi [baligtad naman para sa mga nag tratrabaho sa
call center]. Sabay tulog na. Kapag sabado masaya na sila sa tv, sa
pagkain na niluluto ni mama at sa linggo naman sisimba at maghahanda na
ng kelangan para sa lunes hanggang byernes. Pssssst.. pause for a while
naman!
8. Friendship Theory
Ano naman ito?... Eto yung ang buhay ay kay bestfriend o kaya kay special
friend, na hindi masabi-sabi sa friendship nya sa loob ng kanilang
mahabang panahon na pagsasama, dahil baka daw maapektuhan ang
pakikipagkaibigan at iwasan sya. Yung tipong pag may kasama si friendship na
iba, nagseselos na wala naman sa lugar, pero syempre wag pahalata,
kunyari happy sya for friendship. ABA ! Oi! Lakasan mo ang loob mo at
baka mamaya forever mong pagsisihan yan, kaw rin!... Minsan pa naman
pareho pala kayong naghihintayan. . hmmp!
7. Born-to-be-one (Autistic)
Eto yung nasa palad na ang pagiging single daw. Walang reasons. Basta lang
nabuhay sya sa mundo na mag-isa at feeling nya mamamatay sya sa mundong
mag-isa. Kesyo magmamadre o magpapari na lang... Asa kang tatanggapin ka pa
noh!
6. Happy-go-lucky
Eto yung taong walang alam kundi kasiyahan at trippings. Kahit sino na
lang basta no strings attached. For fun lang daw... Walang halong
seryosohan. ABA hoy! Yang init ng katawan mo e ikiskis mo na lang sa
pader. Makakahanap ka rin ng katapat mo!!!
5. Wrong Place
May nakaranas na ba nito? Yung pakiramdam mo nasa ibang mundo ka.
Yung ang nakakaharap mo e yung mga hindi mo gusto, yung mga hindi mo
hinahanap. Alam mo yun? Halimbawa nasa ibang bansa ka, pero ang hinahanap mo e
yung amoy ng nasa sariling bayan mo. O kaya naman e nasa sarili mong bayan
ka, nasa normal na lipunan, pero ikaw ang abnormal at hindi mo kayang
sabihin na abnormal din ang hanap mo kung ayaw mong ibitin ka nila ng
patiwarik.
4. Wrong Time
Eto yung mga tao na sinasabi na "hindi pa ako ready e, bata pa kasi ako" o
kaya naman "hindi pa ako handa sa panahong ito", "wala pa ako kayang
ipagmalaki". Yes meron pong ganyan. Yung feeling nila may tamang panahon
para sa love. Awwwwwww!... Aba kelan yun?!... Pag uugod-ugod ka na at yung
time mo e bitin na? O baka naman pag pang-out of time ka na? Oist, sugod
lang ng sugod!
3. Si Parents kasi...
Yes, factor din ang komyunidad na ginagalawan mo. Una, ayaw pa ni mader
o pader na magkaron ka kahit 22 anyos ka na at kelangan umabot ka muna raw
ng 40 bago magkaroon ng gf/bf. O kaya naman ikaw mismo! Takot sa sasabihin
ni parents at ni kapitbahay na tsismosa sa magiging kasama mo. Aba
ikaw na nga ba ang sabihan na "Alam mo hindi kayo bagay. Langit at lupa kayo."
Awwwww!... Payo ko sayo, "Pakialam nila diba?... Palibhasa inggit!"
2. Traumatic Experience
Eto kalimitan ang reason ng marami. "Ayaw kona!!! Takot na ako
mangyari pa ang nangyari dati!"... O diba, ang drama ng layp?... Yes, tama
ka. Eto yung dahil sa past relationship mo, e until now aayaw mo
nang magkaroon at sinumpa mo na ata ang magmahal. Dahil sa pinagpalit ka
sa mas pangit, o kaya naman iniwan ka ng walang word na bye-bye, o dahil
binugbog ka!, anopa ba?... Madami yan wag na nating isa-isahin at baka
tumulo si tears, heheh... Gayunpaman, eto lang masasabi ko mga hija at
hijo... Ibat-iba ang lasa ng pag-ibig. May mapait, may mapakla, may matamis
at may maasim. Aba , mapalad ka at natikman mo ang ibat-ibang lasa nito!
Kaya ikaw, "Do not be afraid to fall in love again... malay mo, sweetiness
na ang malasahan mo next time.! E di panalo ka sa lotto! Yan ang
nagpapalakas sayo... Yan ang bumubuhay sayo... ang pag-ibig. Tsk! Drama!
1. EX to the Nth power
Oi, aminin!!! LOVE pa rin si Ex kahit 1 or 2 yrs na ang nakakalipas. May
ganito naman. Yung tipong ilang taon na ang nakakalipas, hindi pa rin
makalimutan si ex. Yung pinagsamahan, yung tawanan, yung iyakan, at lahat ng
nangyari sa inyo nung kayo pa. Malungkot man at sa kung anumang
kadahilanan, maganda man o masama ito, kelangan nyo ng magpaalam sa isa't-
isa... YES, after a year sasabihin natin, "I'm over him/her na.", pero
pag-usapan natin ang love at ang nangyari sa ating relastionship from
the past, TADANNNNNNNNNNNNN, eto na, sya agad ang naalala mo. At habang
nagkukwento ka, OUCH! may kirot, o kaya may ngiti at may bumabagabag sa
iyong kalooban. Ano kaya yun?!... AMININ mo na kasi, MAHAL mo pa si EX...
Isa lang ang masasabi ko, well, mahirap sya kalimutan alam ko yan,
pero open your heart and makipagdate ka, lumabas ka, at try to entertain
someone. Wag mo ikumpara si ex sa iba. At give urself a KITKAT, take a break.
Oh, san ka pa?Ü... Grab one now before its too late ! LOLZ!
Its all about Love, Forgiveness and Moving On..
Somebody once told me that : "Finding the right person is very hard and very wrong... it is best to be the right person for the one you love and start from there... you'll always end up disappointed when you set standards and define a "right person" for you...and don't rush things coz somewhere somehow God is preparing somebody for you."
Don't be in a hurry to get into a relationship because you can never find love if you insist that you are already into it. Try to find time to really understand your real feelings, to know who you really are, and what you really want in a relationship. You're right, there's no such thing as a perfect relationship, but there's a compatible partnership that goes along with it. If you already knew that you're too big to fit into a small sized t-shirt, don't give it a try. You'll probably break it and pay for the damages you have made.
If you knew and felt that the relationship will not last, don't go deeper into it. You'll just suffer the consequences and live like hell for the rest of your life. It's really hard to say goodbye though, but you can't make it any better by just pretending you still have the same feelings. Try to let go and give yourself a chance to live life to the fullest. Give yourself a chance to grow and give your heart a much needed attention. Then you will find that you have made the right decision and you made it all by yourself. We call it love when we can't leave someone and see them crying as we try to let go. We are wrong, it's just pity. We call it love when we're too attached and think that losing the one we love will somehow make us weak and unable to face the storms of life. We misunderstood, its just that we're too much dependent to them. We call it love when we give our whole life to them, the wholeness of us and imagined that if they leave, no one would accept us and our past. We are mistaken, its just insecurity. But no matter what the definition is, the truth still remains that love isn't something you can buy or beg. It is real and existing. You can't touch it but you can feel it in your heart. You can't find it, but it will knock before you when you least expect it to come. It can make you the happiest soul in heaven, but don't forget that it can also make you the most miserable person in the whole galaxy...
Don't be in a hurry to get into a relationship because you can never find love if you insist that you are already into it. Try to find time to really understand your real feelings, to know who you really are, and what you really want in a relationship. You're right, there's no such thing as a perfect relationship, but there's a compatible partnership that goes along with it. If you already knew that you're too big to fit into a small sized t-shirt, don't give it a try. You'll probably break it and pay for the damages you have made.
If you knew and felt that the relationship will not last, don't go deeper into it. You'll just suffer the consequences and live like hell for the rest of your life. It's really hard to say goodbye though, but you can't make it any better by just pretending you still have the same feelings. Try to let go and give yourself a chance to live life to the fullest. Give yourself a chance to grow and give your heart a much needed attention. Then you will find that you have made the right decision and you made it all by yourself. We call it love when we can't leave someone and see them crying as we try to let go. We are wrong, it's just pity. We call it love when we're too attached and think that losing the one we love will somehow make us weak and unable to face the storms of life. We misunderstood, its just that we're too much dependent to them. We call it love when we give our whole life to them, the wholeness of us and imagined that if they leave, no one would accept us and our past. We are mistaken, its just insecurity. But no matter what the definition is, the truth still remains that love isn't something you can buy or beg. It is real and existing. You can't touch it but you can feel it in your heart. You can't find it, but it will knock before you when you least expect it to come. It can make you the happiest soul in heaven, but don't forget that it can also make you the most miserable person in the whole galaxy...
Partners and Marriage
PARTNERS AND MARRIAGE
By Eduardo Jose E. Calasanz
I have never met a man who didn't want to be loved. But I have seldom met a man who didn't fear marriage. Something about the closure seems constricting, not enabling. Marriage seems easier to understand for what it cuts out of our lives than for what it makes possible within our lives.
When I was younger this fear immobilized me. I did not want to make a mistake. I saw my friends get married for reasons of social acceptability, or sexual fever, or just because they thought it was the logical thing to do. Then I watched, as they and their partners became embittered and petty in their dealings with each other. I looked at older couples and saw, at best, mutual toleration of each other. I imagined a lifetime of loveless nights and bickering days and could not imagine subjecting myself or someone else to such a fate.
And yet, on rare occasions, I would see old couples who somehow seemed to glow in each other's presence. They seemed really in love, not just dependent upon each other and tolerant of each other's foibles.
It was an astounding sight, and it seemed impossible. How, I asked myself, can they have survived so many years of sameness, so much irritation at the others habits? What keeps love alive in them, when most of us seem unable to even stay together, much less love each other?
The central secret seems to be in choosing well. There is something to the claim of fundamental compatibility. Good people can create a bad relationship, even though they both dearly want the relationship to succeed. It is important to find someone with whom you can create a good relationship from the outset. Unfortunately, it is hard to see clearly in the early stages.
Sexual hunger draws you to each other and colors the way you see yourselves together. It blinds you to the thousands of little things by which relationships eventually survive or fail. You need to find a way to see beyond this initial overwhelming sexual fascination. Some people choose to involve themselves sexually and ride out the most heated period of sexual attraction in order to see what is on the other side.
This can work, but it can also leave a trail of wounded hearts. Others deny the sexual side altogether in an attempt to get to know each other apart from their sexuality. But they cannot see clearly, because the presence of unfulfilled sexual desire looms so large that it keeps them from having any normal perception of what life would be like together.
The truly lucky people are the ones who manage to become long-time friends before they realize they are attracted to each other. They get to know each other's laughs, passions, sadness, and fears. They see each other at their worst and at their best. They share time together before they get swept up into the entangling intimacy of their sexuality.
This is the ideal, but not often possible. If you fall under the spell of your sexual attraction immediately, you need to look beyond it for other keys to compatibility. One of these is laughter. Laughter tells you how much you will enjoy each others company over the long term.
If your laughter together is good and healthy, and not at the expense of others, then you have a healthy relationship to the world. Laughter is the child of surprise. If you can make each other laugh, you can always surprise each other. And if you can always surprise each other, you can always keep the world around you new.
Beware of a relationship in which there is no laughter. Even the most intimate relationships based only on seriousness have a tendency to turn sour. Over time, sharing a common serious viewpoint on the world tends to turn you against those who do not share the same viewpoint, and your relationship can become based on being critical together.
After laughter, look for a partner who deals with the world in a way you respect. When two people first get together, they tend to see their relationship as existing only in the space between the two of them. They find each other endlessly fascinating, and the overwhelming power of the emotions they are sharing obscures the outside world. As the relationship ages and grows, the outside world becomes important again. If your partner treats people or circumstances in a way you can't accept, you will inevitably come to grief.Look ! at the way she cares for others and deals with the daily affairs of life. If that makes you love her more, your love will grow. If it does not, be careful. If you do not respect the way you each deal with the world around you, eventually the two of you will not respect each other.
Look also at how your partner confronts the mysteries of life. We live on the cusp of poetry and practicality, and the real life of the heart resides in the poetic. If one of you is deeply affected by the mystery of the unseen in life and relationships, while the other is drawn only to the literal and the practical, you must take care that the distance does not become an unbridgeable gap that leaves you each feeling isolated and misunderstood.
There are many other keys, but you must find them by yourself. We all have unchangeable parts of our hearts that we will not betray and private commitments to a vision of life that we will not deny. If you fall in love with someone who cannot nourish those inviolable parts of you, or if you cannot nourish them in her, you will find yourselves growing further apart until you live in separate worlds where you share the business of life, but never touch each other where the heart lives and dreams. From there it is only a small leap to the cataloging of petty hurts and daily failures that leaves so many couples bitter and unsatisfied with their mates.
So choose carefully and well. If you do, you will have chosen a partner with whom you can grow, and then the real miracle of marriage can take place in your hearts. I pick my words carefully when I speak of a miracle. But I think it is not too strong a word. There is a miracle in marriage. It is called transformation. Transformation is one of the most common events of nature. The seed becomes the flower. The cocoon becomes the butterfly. Winter becomes spring and love becomes a child. We never question these, because we see them around us every day. To us they are not miracles, though if we did not know them they would be impossible to believe.
Marriage is a transformation we choose to make. Our love is planted like a seed, and in time it begins to flower. We cannot know the flower that will blossom, but we can be sure that a bloom will come.
If you have chosen carefully and wisely, the bloom will be good. If you have chosen poorly or for the wrong reason, the bloom will be flawed.
We are quite willing to accept the reality of negative transformation in a marriage. It was negative transformation that always had me terrified of the bitter marriages that I feared when I was younger. It never occurred to me to question the dark miracle that transformed love into harshness and bitterness. Yet I was unable to accept the possibility that the first heat of love could be transformed into something positive that was actually deeper and more meaningful than the heat of fresh passion. All I could believe in was the power of this passion and the fear that when it cooled I would be left with something lesser and bitter.
But there is positive transformation as well. Like negative transformation, it results from a slow accretion of little things. But instead of death by a thousand blows, it is growth by a thousand touches of love. Two histories intermingle. Two separate beings, two separate presence, two separate consciousness come together and share a view of life that passes before them. They remain separate, but they also become one. There is an expansion of awareness, not a closure! and a constriction, as I had once feared. This is not to say that there is not tension and there are not traps. Tension and traps are part of every choice of life, from celibate to monogamous to having multiple lovers. Each choice contains within it the lingering doubt that the road not taken somehow more fruitful and exciting, and each becomes dulled to the richness that it alone contains.
But only marriage allows life to deepen and expand and be leavened by the knowledge that two have chosen, against all odds, to become one. Those who live together without marriage can know the pleasure of shared company, but there is a specific gravity in the marriage commitment that deepens that experience into something richer and more complex.
So do not fear marriage, just as you should not rush into it for the wrong reasons. It is an act of faith and it contains within it the power of transformation. If you believe in your heart that you have found someone with whom you are able to grow, if you have sufficient faith that you can resist the endless attraction of the road not taken and the partner not chosen, if you have the strength of heart to embrace the cycles and seasons that your love will experience, then you may be ready to seek the miracle that marriage offers. If not, then wait. The easy grace of a marriage well made is worth your patience. When the time comes, a thousand flowers will bloom...endlessly.
Note: Eduardo Calasanz was a student at the Ateneo Manila University, Philippines, a student given a grade of A+ by his mentor, Father Feriols for this one very insightful writing.
By Eduardo Jose E. Calasanz
I have never met a man who didn't want to be loved. But I have seldom met a man who didn't fear marriage. Something about the closure seems constricting, not enabling. Marriage seems easier to understand for what it cuts out of our lives than for what it makes possible within our lives.
When I was younger this fear immobilized me. I did not want to make a mistake. I saw my friends get married for reasons of social acceptability, or sexual fever, or just because they thought it was the logical thing to do. Then I watched, as they and their partners became embittered and petty in their dealings with each other. I looked at older couples and saw, at best, mutual toleration of each other. I imagined a lifetime of loveless nights and bickering days and could not imagine subjecting myself or someone else to such a fate.
And yet, on rare occasions, I would see old couples who somehow seemed to glow in each other's presence. They seemed really in love, not just dependent upon each other and tolerant of each other's foibles.
It was an astounding sight, and it seemed impossible. How, I asked myself, can they have survived so many years of sameness, so much irritation at the others habits? What keeps love alive in them, when most of us seem unable to even stay together, much less love each other?
The central secret seems to be in choosing well. There is something to the claim of fundamental compatibility. Good people can create a bad relationship, even though they both dearly want the relationship to succeed. It is important to find someone with whom you can create a good relationship from the outset. Unfortunately, it is hard to see clearly in the early stages.
Sexual hunger draws you to each other and colors the way you see yourselves together. It blinds you to the thousands of little things by which relationships eventually survive or fail. You need to find a way to see beyond this initial overwhelming sexual fascination. Some people choose to involve themselves sexually and ride out the most heated period of sexual attraction in order to see what is on the other side.
This can work, but it can also leave a trail of wounded hearts. Others deny the sexual side altogether in an attempt to get to know each other apart from their sexuality. But they cannot see clearly, because the presence of unfulfilled sexual desire looms so large that it keeps them from having any normal perception of what life would be like together.
The truly lucky people are the ones who manage to become long-time friends before they realize they are attracted to each other. They get to know each other's laughs, passions, sadness, and fears. They see each other at their worst and at their best. They share time together before they get swept up into the entangling intimacy of their sexuality.
This is the ideal, but not often possible. If you fall under the spell of your sexual attraction immediately, you need to look beyond it for other keys to compatibility. One of these is laughter. Laughter tells you how much you will enjoy each others company over the long term.
If your laughter together is good and healthy, and not at the expense of others, then you have a healthy relationship to the world. Laughter is the child of surprise. If you can make each other laugh, you can always surprise each other. And if you can always surprise each other, you can always keep the world around you new.
Beware of a relationship in which there is no laughter. Even the most intimate relationships based only on seriousness have a tendency to turn sour. Over time, sharing a common serious viewpoint on the world tends to turn you against those who do not share the same viewpoint, and your relationship can become based on being critical together.
After laughter, look for a partner who deals with the world in a way you respect. When two people first get together, they tend to see their relationship as existing only in the space between the two of them. They find each other endlessly fascinating, and the overwhelming power of the emotions they are sharing obscures the outside world. As the relationship ages and grows, the outside world becomes important again. If your partner treats people or circumstances in a way you can't accept, you will inevitably come to grief.Look ! at the way she cares for others and deals with the daily affairs of life. If that makes you love her more, your love will grow. If it does not, be careful. If you do not respect the way you each deal with the world around you, eventually the two of you will not respect each other.
Look also at how your partner confronts the mysteries of life. We live on the cusp of poetry and practicality, and the real life of the heart resides in the poetic. If one of you is deeply affected by the mystery of the unseen in life and relationships, while the other is drawn only to the literal and the practical, you must take care that the distance does not become an unbridgeable gap that leaves you each feeling isolated and misunderstood.
There are many other keys, but you must find them by yourself. We all have unchangeable parts of our hearts that we will not betray and private commitments to a vision of life that we will not deny. If you fall in love with someone who cannot nourish those inviolable parts of you, or if you cannot nourish them in her, you will find yourselves growing further apart until you live in separate worlds where you share the business of life, but never touch each other where the heart lives and dreams. From there it is only a small leap to the cataloging of petty hurts and daily failures that leaves so many couples bitter and unsatisfied with their mates.
So choose carefully and well. If you do, you will have chosen a partner with whom you can grow, and then the real miracle of marriage can take place in your hearts. I pick my words carefully when I speak of a miracle. But I think it is not too strong a word. There is a miracle in marriage. It is called transformation. Transformation is one of the most common events of nature. The seed becomes the flower. The cocoon becomes the butterfly. Winter becomes spring and love becomes a child. We never question these, because we see them around us every day. To us they are not miracles, though if we did not know them they would be impossible to believe.
Marriage is a transformation we choose to make. Our love is planted like a seed, and in time it begins to flower. We cannot know the flower that will blossom, but we can be sure that a bloom will come.
If you have chosen carefully and wisely, the bloom will be good. If you have chosen poorly or for the wrong reason, the bloom will be flawed.
We are quite willing to accept the reality of negative transformation in a marriage. It was negative transformation that always had me terrified of the bitter marriages that I feared when I was younger. It never occurred to me to question the dark miracle that transformed love into harshness and bitterness. Yet I was unable to accept the possibility that the first heat of love could be transformed into something positive that was actually deeper and more meaningful than the heat of fresh passion. All I could believe in was the power of this passion and the fear that when it cooled I would be left with something lesser and bitter.
But there is positive transformation as well. Like negative transformation, it results from a slow accretion of little things. But instead of death by a thousand blows, it is growth by a thousand touches of love. Two histories intermingle. Two separate beings, two separate presence, two separate consciousness come together and share a view of life that passes before them. They remain separate, but they also become one. There is an expansion of awareness, not a closure! and a constriction, as I had once feared. This is not to say that there is not tension and there are not traps. Tension and traps are part of every choice of life, from celibate to monogamous to having multiple lovers. Each choice contains within it the lingering doubt that the road not taken somehow more fruitful and exciting, and each becomes dulled to the richness that it alone contains.
But only marriage allows life to deepen and expand and be leavened by the knowledge that two have chosen, against all odds, to become one. Those who live together without marriage can know the pleasure of shared company, but there is a specific gravity in the marriage commitment that deepens that experience into something richer and more complex.
So do not fear marriage, just as you should not rush into it for the wrong reasons. It is an act of faith and it contains within it the power of transformation. If you believe in your heart that you have found someone with whom you are able to grow, if you have sufficient faith that you can resist the endless attraction of the road not taken and the partner not chosen, if you have the strength of heart to embrace the cycles and seasons that your love will experience, then you may be ready to seek the miracle that marriage offers. If not, then wait. The easy grace of a marriage well made is worth your patience. When the time comes, a thousand flowers will bloom...endlessly.
Note: Eduardo Calasanz was a student at the Ateneo Manila University, Philippines, a student given a grade of A+ by his mentor, Father Feriols for this one very insightful writing.
Bad Romance..
Bad Romance...yes..found that on your fb stat..can't help but smile cause now you've realized that I am not that kind of girl whom you can just call anytime. I'm not here for your convenience. We cant be lovers cause I already have my guy..and we are better off as friends..way better than be lovers..:) Anyway, I'm sorry, I had caused you discomfort. But you'll get over me. Just be happy that I'm happy..Don't worry I'm still around, more than happy to be a friend since we are good. I had enjoyed our times together.
This is the beginning..
I had ventured into the unknown not prepared. i had encountered all kind of people. The good, the bad and the in-betweens. It was not that easy standing your ground and being alone. There were friends who turned to fiends and vice versa. But in the end, I had learned my lessons...the hard way.
3 months after, here i am, standing tall again. I already had turned my back on the past but not on the lessons. Everything happened for a reason and i know God wouldn't give me a problem I cant handle. In a few days time, I would again be venturing into another unknown, but this time, I am ready.
Love letters to no one..
So many nights, so many hours. Nights that lasted forever. Nights that tore into me and ripped out what little hope was left. I used to often sit alone on those nights pouring my heart out in a love letter to no one. Paragraph upon paragraph of useless words, tear stains on the paper, all in vain. Each letter was burnt and cast off to the winds. Perhaps off to find a hopeless dreamer such as myself.
I’d dream what he’d look like, the way he’d smell. The sound of his voice, the feel of his hands. I’d write out the words I longed to say to anyone who was willing to hear them. Played out conversations in my head with a man who’d never love me. A man who wasn’t any more real than the hopes that kept me living.
I believed in the fairy tales. I thought that there was a person out there for everyone. The greedy, the poor, the overweight, the disabled, the gay, the snobby, the overly nice, even the “bad” people. I kept thinking that there was someone out there that was meant for me and all I had to do was find him.
As I grew older, the fairy tale faded away. Once upon a time became something I wanted to forget and happily ever after grew to be a myth. I have an aunt who’s never fallen in love, and has given up on even searching for it. Some people live their whole lives and never fall in love.
I have to believe in love, whether I want to or not, because I lived it and I lost it.
There might just be a person out there made for everyone. And there might not be. With so many people in the world, how do you know you’ve found the right one? Attraction can be mistaken for love. It can also grow to love. Sometimes, there’s your soulmate and then there’s the person you’ll spend the rest of your life with. But what if you discover that the other half of your soul was the one you chose to be with? Aren’t you dying to find out?
So many nights, so many hours. Nights that lasted forever. Nights that bore deep into my soul and brought out light I’ve never known existed. I sit wrapped in thoughts of you. No longer shall I write a love letter to no one. Tonight, I write a letter to someone. Paragraph upon paragraph of words which paint a portrait of a dozen fairy tales come true.
To the one left behind..
I'm sorry I didn't end it sooner. I knew it would come to this. I knew there would come a time letting go of you would be like cutting off a part of my limbs.
I'm sorry I made it go on for so long. I made it last this long even if I knew we were never a match. Even if I knew I was dragging myself into a trap, I stayed. I tried.
I'm sorry I made the wrong decision. I decided to stick with you even if I felt like I am not enjoying. Even when I saw you'd rather be somewhere else instead, I held on to you.
I'm sorry I was too weak. I didn't have enough courage to tell you I was in pain. I held it all in, praying things would change. I kept it inside; hoping things would be different when I opened my eyes the next day.
I'm sorry I lied. I led myself to believe everything was okay. Even though all the signs pointed to no, I still kept telling myself yes.
I'm sorry I gave you so many chances. I led you to believe second, third, fourth chances were easily acquired. For the times I tore down the wall simply because I wanted to be with you.
I’m sorry I am where I am now. ..I am so sorry i had opted to leave...and break your heart rather than have mine be broken by you..
Letting go
I know that the only thing I lose when I let go of something I am afraid to live without is the fear itself. I am stronger than anything that frightens me.
I let go of the past, and I'm free to think clearly and positively in the present. I am not my past.
Letting go is the natural release which always follows the realization that holding on is an energy that drains and it hurts. Letting go happens effortlessly when there is no other choice. Letting does not mean giving up.
Letting go is a journey that never ends. Never. It only begins -- over & over again -- each time I can glimpse of something higher than my own painful certainty over who think I am. There is always something higher beyond the limits of my present sight.
Let go of the past. The past is yesterday. It is irretrievable. When you relate to the past, you relate to nothing. You are literally talking to yourself. No one else is listening. You have already heard all you can hear about that, so let go....
I let go of the past, and I'm free to think clearly and positively in the present. I am not my past.
Letting go is the natural release which always follows the realization that holding on is an energy that drains and it hurts. Letting go happens effortlessly when there is no other choice. Letting does not mean giving up.
Letting go is a journey that never ends. Never. It only begins -- over & over again -- each time I can glimpse of something higher than my own painful certainty over who think I am. There is always something higher beyond the limits of my present sight.
Let go of the past. The past is yesterday. It is irretrievable. When you relate to the past, you relate to nothing. You are literally talking to yourself. No one else is listening. You have already heard all you can hear about that, so let go....
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